Choices, what do you choose?

I can't say exactly how many different times we have had the talk with the kids about choices and the good and bad consequences that follow any choice we make. In our family we feel it is very important that the kids know good things as well as bad things happen when making a choice.

For example: If you don't do you homework, then you get a bad grade, bad grades mean no play station, TV, friends etc.  If you do your homework and get good grades then there is some type of reward, money, ice cream, small object/toy.

Well this example works great during the school year, but it has been a battle this summer for the kids to stay on task and make good choices. It is extra difficult for them when they know at one house; my choices have benefits and consequences and at the other house, nothing. So naturally we always hear, "At mom's she doesn't say anything" or "Mom doesn't take away our Ipod or Xbox." We try to counter these things with examples of responsibility and how good choices benefit you in the long run and bad choices may seem good but only in the hear and now and the enjoyment is short lived. Not just with your standard, "Well you aren't at your Mom's house you are home at our house", that comes to mind and is so easy to fall back on, not to mention the response we are all sick of hearing.

Well our 11 year old was talking about luck the other day. He mentioned how my family is lucky and his mom's family isn't so lucky. I asked him to explain exactly what he meant by this. Trying to figure out exactly why he would think we were lucky. He said, "Your uncle is running for Mayor and mom's uncle lives in a trailer in the driveway." I took this as the perfect opportunity to again explain and reiterate choices; good and bad. I told him that, my Uncle chose to go to school and get good grades, follow the laws, take responsibility for his actions and ultimately try to do what was right in life. He had to work hard his entire life, not just take the easy way out of things and set goals for himself, now he has a home, and cars and is fulfilling a dream to run for Mayor. While his mom's uncle chose to not put in an effort at school, do drugs, take the easy way out, live off other people and has never had to be responsible for his choices or actions so he has very little in life and lives in the hear and now; What can I get today right now instead of what can I do to get something bigger and better if I work towards it.

Just want to clarify that, I don't say these things about his Mom's uncle to be cruel or anything. I do know him personally, and the things I said are fact and not things that I just assume or randomly come up with.

Well lately some more choices have been made that involves the kids and in turn has put a stress on them and our family. These recent choices made by someone have been yet another example we have been able to share with the kids. They used to try to blame everyone else for the things that happened. Never wanting to take accountability for their actions, always wanting to play the victim. Wanting someone else to "Make them Happy". Yes, they are still kids so they still try to play that role from time to time. But they are learning that their actions, their choices can mean a big difference in how things play out for them and that ultimately no one is responsible for their happiness but them.

Life is one big choice, we can chose to live it as a Victim, poor me, why me. I know how easy it can be to fall into one of those categories. I chose at one point to feel sorry for myself. To be sad and down, to think why me? Why my son? Why can so many parents have kids and chose to be cruel to them, to abuse, abandon, among other horrible unthinkable actions and yet my son was taken away? I don't wish harm on any child but I did feel that other people "deserved" to walk this hell more than I did. But one particular night after a busy hectic day of taking the kids on a hike and being surrounded by nature, as I was laying in bed I realized that my choice was to live. My choice was to take whatever I have been dealing with and try to learn all I can. Try to help others in any way that I can. But most importantly, I was going to live. I knew at that moment that I wanted to make more memories, to do more things have more wonderful family moments. That choice has been easy at times and harder at other times, but it is still the choice I chose! So I chose to live not as a Victim of my circumstances whatever they may be, but as a Survivor!

What is your choice?